Well, I am back. Bwana Asifiwe.
Cultural re-entry is a difficult feat for me as I mourn the loss of friendships with my Kenyan and American brothers and sisters. God is continuing to clarify many things I have learned so far and is bring up more and more as the days pass. I don't think I have shed this many tears since I was a chubby baby. Leaving Kenya wrenched my heart and I'm sure I left pieces of it behind. However, I know God will use all of the transitions I've been through (and will continue to go through) for my good; to bring me closer to Him.
Our director reminded us during debriefing of what Paul said in Philippians 4:11-12 - "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
That is what I am learning now - I want to be back in Kenya and I am glad I'm home at the same time, but either way I need to be content. As she was giving a morning devotion, one of the Kenyan students on our team held up a white piece of paper with a small black dot in the center. She asked us what we saw - "a black dot" was the most common response (except for a few smarty pants in the group). Wrong answer. It was a white piece of paper. She proceeded to explain that if all we focused on was the black dot, we were missing the bigger picture. It is like that when we want something from God - in our prayers we focus on what we don't have or what we need, but we neglect to praise Him and thank Him for what He has already done. So despite my longing for the people and culture I have grown to love, I have been trying to focus on praising God for everything He has done for me during my time away. If I listed the things He has done for me within the last two months, I would have many books filled with His praises.
So, yes, I am experiencing much loss. And I am also experiencing so much gain that I cannot overlook! I learned more about myself and of my Heavenly Father than I expected to, I gained life-long friendships with people I can visit by car and by plane, and I have discovered what it truly feels like to rely on God for my strength. It may sound elementary, but it goes deeper than anything I've ever experienced before.
God has blessed me with one of the most difficult but best experience I have ever had in my life. And we were all blessed with safety, fairly good health, and a pretty low-maintenance, wonderful team.
I open the box of chai tea bags, drink in the smell that brings tears to my eyes, and find how incredibly thankful I am to all of you for supporting me monetarily and prayerfully. Because of your support, you went with me - you were there when I shared the Gospel, when I held students neglected by their parents, when I gave sermons, when I built relationships with the teachers, when I turned heads because of my skin color, when God taught me about myself and Him, and when He used this timid girl for His purpose whether or not I saw the results.
I am not sure how I will do this or if I'll do this, but I want to share with you what each day/week was like and show how God was working. Ultimately, this trip was about God - I was just a vessel. More to come.
Thank you all again for your support. I cannot find words enough to thank you properly.
Mungu akubariki (God bless),
Missy
